I've fallen a little behind on my goal of finishing this blog by my upcoming birthday.
I survived high-school. I did fairly well. I went to college. I've become a mentor. I've become a role-model.
After that week of revelation, and my new mind sight that no one had to ability to question my faith, my salvation, or my relationship with the Almighty except for me, I set out to live my life.
Eventually the tears my family shed that Autumn dried, and the our relationship began to mend. I can tell you that here I am almost 26 years old, and a rather matured gay man having been out of the closet for going on 11 years now, I've learned a lot of things. To finish this blog up, I'll recount the important ones.
I found unconditional love. Most of my family will always love me. Most of them will always only see me as Robert Lee. Most of them will only see my sexual orientation as a part of who I am, not the defining point of my life. It defines very little about me.
I fell in love. It failed. It didn't fail, much to some people's dismay, because it was a homosexual relationship. It failed because we grew apart. See, homosexual relationships really aren't any different from their heterosexual counterparts. It's hard for me to admit my failures, but the best thing I could ever do was learn from them. I learned a lot from this relationship. He was a great guy. Only two member of my family got to meet the man I spent what I thought was going to be the rest of my life with. That is what I regret most. I kept him hidden, like a secret. I won't do that again.
The company one keeps is almost always an extension of who that person is. People come and go in life. It's just part of it. It stings a little more when it's family. But, sometimes that's also part of it. It's hard for me to tell you that it's been almost 6 months since I've spoken to my Aunt Jane. It's the longest we've ever gone in my almost 26 years of existence. I'm not bitter. I don't have hurt feelings anymore. I still love her, and wish nothing but the best for her and her family. But she feels like she needs to protect her family, and unfortunately what she feels like she needs to protect them from is: me. There's no need to go into detail about the argument, disagreement, misunderstanding, or whatever it was. It's no one's business except for ours. I've forgiven her. As superficial as it sounds, it's important to know that people like you for who you are, whether you went looking for that purpose or not. If someone doesn't like you the way you are, cut your loses.
Some people in life will only watch you to see how hard you will fall. Prove them wrong. Never break your stride. Keep looking forward and keep going. If I wanted to leave, I would have left a long time ago; I won't give anyone the satisfaction of seeing me fail, and won't let anyone run me off.
People will call you names. People will wish you ill-harm. People will say things under the "conviction of religion" that they don't truly understand because they never took the time to study it themselves. I wish I could say that these things will never happen, and maybe (hopefully) one day they will cease to exist. The only thing you ever have to remember is that you're already stronger than they could ever hope to be. You exist, and that is more than they could ever strive for. You don't conform, you don't need to. You don't pacify, there's no need to. You don't spew hate, you don't have a reason to. I found my own way, you can do the same.
Which brings me to the final thing I learned. The thing it took me the most time learn. The thing I'm still learning everyday is: it truly does get better. It's just up to you whether you going to let it or not. I recommend sticking it out giving it time to do prove itself to you.
